Saturday, August 25, 2012

What if....

Well, I crossed the 25 pound mark this morning. I was not as happy as I had expected. I found myself hesitant. I actually got back on the scale to verify, almost expecting it to be wrong. Why am I so much more comfortable with failure than victory?

As far back as I can remember, there has been a side of me that dared to dream big and expect things to work out well. What I find odd is, that even though hope stirs deep in my soul, doubt still stirs in my mind. There is always a moment where my breath catches and my dreams take shape as I wonder.....what if?? Then almost as quickly, my mind can come up with a handful of reasons why it won't happen. The biggest question that circles in my mind is why would I deserve that?

Today I stand on the cusp of a few good things happening in my life.  I realize my actions this morning are a pretty good picture of how I am feeling in general. I am hopeful, but hesitant. Should I really dare to dream big? What if these things don't work out?  Who am I to expect brilliant things to happen in my life?

 About six months ago I read a quote that said the best preparation for tomorrow is good use of today. I have taken that to heart and done my best to make the most of each day. Some days it has been easier than others. Some days the victory is small, but a victory none the less.

In my weight loss journey, it's the little choices that make the difference. I have been exercising regularly and eating healthy food consistently. The results of the last few months showed on the scale this morning. What I did yesterday didn't effect it too much, but what I have done for the last 55 yesterdays did. I have been doing what I know I need to do, and I let the results take care of themselves. My focus was on the daily walk, not the outcome.

 The same needs to be true of all of my life. I need to spend time in his word, time talking and listening to him. Holding my dreams/thoughts/actions/relationships up to his truth, and let what doesn't line up fall away. Today, I want my to focus my attention on him, his will, and the people he has put in my life. I will continue to do what I can, and leave the rest to him. Why wouldn't I dream big? He is faithful.

A year ago, I would be wrestling with all of the possible outcomes. I would be playing out every possible scenerio, running through all of the "if thens".  Today I can rest.My God is faithful and trustworthy. He can make all things work together for my good. I have made good use of my previous todays. I have prepared well for tomorrow. What if he is who he says he is? What if he loves me like he says he does? What if I submitted all of my life to him to do with as he desires?